Friday 18 February 2011
T-REX Vs. T-VIRUS
So Here's an idea I came up with just as a bit of fun. So I made it on photoshop and thought it might make a pretty cool T-shirt! Buy here if you desire - http://www.cafepress.com/screeeeeamtees
Sunday 6 February 2011
Michael Rann: Zombie Survival Sheet
Callsign: Mike Rann (That’s my name)
Location: Donny’s Bar & Grill (HQ)
Battle Cry: Hail to the king baby (Ash quote from Army of Darkness)
Last Words: Itchy... Tasty... (Resident Evil reference with assumption that if I’m killed fighting off zombies my most likely cause of death would be infection)
Clothing & Gear:
Accessory #1: Night vision goggles (because it’s not daylight all the time)
Accessory #2: Grappling hook (for vertical escapes)
Headgear: Cowboy hat (Makes me look cool)
Upper Garment: Awesome t-shirt with awesome reference
Lower Garment: Skin tight red jeans (In case of being surrounded and needing to dance the thriller to distract and escape)
Footwear: Dr. Martins (Tough & Comfortable)
Weapons:
Primary: Smith & Western Magnum (Mega powerful for those one shot kills. Also goes hand in hand with my cowboy hat)
Secondary: Rocket launcher (‘Cause you never know)
Melee: Cricket bat (for that Shaun of the Dead effect. Also doubles up for sports)
Inventory:
Animal backpack (Comfortable and spacious)
Iphone (Can’t leave home without it)
Zippo lighter
Lock pick (obviously)
Swiss army knife (I couldn’t let down my old scout master)
Rum (And lot’s of it)
First aid spray
Vehicle: Trans Am (Always wanted one, too cool for zombie survivalist school)
Miscellaneous:
Stronghold: Shopping Mall (Maybe a recipe for disaster but let’s face it, plenty of action)
Sidekick: Phil Harrison (For strategies and geeking out with)
Soundtrack: AC/DC (for obvious rocking out reasons)
Final Boss: Nemesis (Resident Evil 3 bad ass, He scared the shit out of me in that game)
Look out for the next Zombie survival sheet by THE Phil Harrison (Character from the diary, long time friend, illustrator of the awesome pic next to my crappy blog title at the top of the page.)
To make your own Zombie Survival Sheet visit here... http://chivethebrigade.files.wordpress.com/2010/08/zombie-survival-08_25_10-5.jpg?w=920&h=552
Friday 4 February 2011
T-Shirts
Here's a collection of Zombie related t-shirt that I've found around the net. One of which I own, the rest are on the wish list. Enjoy!
Thursday 3 February 2011
The Facility
Entry #4
Wednesday June 14th 2006
Gurnard Hunting Elite Meeting
Location: Donny’s Bar & Grill & Gurnard Testing Facility
I arrived at the Bar & Grill at about 1645 at the same time as Chuck and Harrison. First thing was first; we needed to figure out how to get to this place on the back of the note. But before that....
“Harrison! Why are you wearing a suit?” I asked.
In comparison to the T-shirt and shorts that Chuck, Donny and I were sporting I felt that he was definitely over dressed.
“What do you mean, why am I wearing one? Why aren’t you guys dressed a bit smarter? I thought this was a Job Interview?”
A moments silence graced us as Donny, Chuck and I exchanged eye contact without moving our heads.
“Shit man! He’s got a point!” Donny belted, breaking the silence. “If this guy is serious enough to give us that much money up front we better look a bit more respectable.”
“But we don’t have enough time to get our suits, it takes me 45 minutes to get to mine and back and the back of the note says it will take 30 minutes to get to the facility!” Chuck interjected.
“No worries!” said Donny “I might just have something for us, be right back.”
So while Donny ran to the upstairs of his house the other three of us folded out the back of the note to work out exactly where we needed to go. It was a rough map drawn out in red pencil, it highlighted the Bar & Grill with a circle round it with a dotted line that went down the road, through Gurnard Pines Holiday Park, through some woods depicted by drawings of trees, up a hill ending up at an “X” with a circle round it. “Allow 30 minutes” was written on the bottom left.
“Huh. That’s funny, I’ve always wondered what was beyond that woods at the bottom of Gurnard Pines” said Chuck.
“Well why don’t we Google map it just to be sure of where we’re going?” I asked.
“It’s no use, I’ve tried, there’s nothing there, and it’s all blacked out on Google Earth.”
Just then Donny showed up again holding three suit bags.
“Take your pick, although I have dibs on this one.”
Me and Chuck both picked a bag, unzipped them to both reveal tuxedos complete with bow ties.
A stern look was all I felt was needed, there were no words to be said when Donny unzipped his bag to show us an everyday business suit.
We Left headquarters at 1725, five minutes early in case of any complications along the way. Following exactly what it said on the back of the note we walked down the road and into Gurnard Pines Holiday Park. This felt a little bit odd, firstly because we walking through a busy holiday park wearing suits and tuxedos, I guess we could have easily been mistaken for waiters from the restaurant on our breaks or something similar. Secondly because who the hell puts a top secret research facility so close to where the general public hang out in masses during the summer?
After making it through the grounds of the camp jealously walking past holiday makers cooling in the swimming pool while we’re all sweating our bollocks off in suits, we got to the woods. At this point we all thought the security access would start for the facility. Although there was a large mesh fence separating the grounds of the camp and the woods, there were no signs of it being electrified and it didn’t even have barbed wire at the top. I thought I’d lead by example and be the first one to clamber over the fence only to end up embarrassed as the other guys just simply jumped over a small stile about 5 metres down. We made our way through the disappointingly normal woods and started up the hill. It was a plain grassy field of a hill and it was steep, extremely steep. Just as I was about to express my disappointment for the lack of security obstructing the path for the facility to the general public, a huge white wall emerged from behind the hill. We stopped and stood in awe just for a few seconds. “This must be it” said Phil. The further we ascended the hill the wider the wall got and as we approached we noticed a small rusting iron door with flaky red paint falling off it. When we got right up to the door each end of the wall was out of sight. We were all baffled about how big this place was and how it was supposed to be a secret. Next to the door was a small panel with a single button below a speaker. The obvious thing to do was to push the button but we were all just standing there looking at it. “Well?” I said. Chuck pushed it. The speaker let out a loud buzz, after about 5 seconds came a voice. “Yes?” It was the same voice that was on the phone. “It’s errmm... Gurnard Hunting Elite” said Chuck. This was followed by a large clunking sound and the voice came again “lift the handle on the right.” We were in.
Upon entering the red door we walked into a long thin corridor with handrails both sides and lit by large spotlights on the ceiling. It took about 3 minutes to get to the other end where we faced another door, this time large and made of steel with a wheel for a handle like a submarine door. The wheel started turning and the door opened towards us and on the other side was a man, about 5 foot, 7 inches, greying, short quiffed up hair, jam-jar glasses and a white lab coat. “Welcome” he said “please follow me.”
We followed the scientist into a room that was large and full of computers, at one end of the room was a large projector screen.
“Thank you for joining me gentlemen, although I wasn’t expecting for you all to be dressed so smart.” Three squinty eyed glares were directed at Harrison.
Mike: “No problemo, It’s our pleasure.”
Scientist: “Please take a seat. Firstly let me introduce myself, my name is Dr. William Ashford, next I’m guessing you’d like to know what I’ve called you here for and why.”
Donny: “Sure would.”
Mike: “Yeah! I’m guessing this person you want us to track down is really worth all this money you’ve thrown at us!”
Dr. Ashford: “Or rather ‘persons’”
M: “More than one?”
D.A: “Oh there will be a lot more than just one.”
Harrison: “So who are these people? And why are you after them?”
D.A: “Let’s just say they have no rights to be free among the public.”
H: “So what are you saying? They’re escaped convicts or something?”
Chuck: “I’m not sure we’re up to handling people as dangerous as that! They might have weapons!”
D.A: “Please gentlemen, I assure you the people you will be dealing with will have no use for weapons.”
H: “Wait, what?”
D.A: “If you would all avert your attention to the big screen over there, all will be explained.”
We all twisted in our swivel chairs as the lights were dimmed and Dr. Ashford turned on a movie projector. The paused image that was projected was an almost overhead view of a medical room with a single bed on the left and the body of a man on top. To the right was a large viewing window and a large metal door like the one the doctor had opened earlier with the wheel. Dr. Ashford started narrating.
“This, gentlemen, is subject 42. He was once one of our many scientists working at the Gurnard Testing & Research Facility. Unfortunately during one of his research tests he fell ill and passed away. Every scientist who comes to work here has to sign a disclaimer to say that if deceased their body will be used for further research within the facility. Unfortunately that week subject 42 was the first of many that passed away due to his experiment. The deadly gas that was created by him leaked into the rest of the labs and took the lives of everyone, apart from two. Myself and one other, Dr. Sarah Muston. We managed to seal ourselves in an airtight room that had not yet been filled with the gas. Whilst in this room we had a race against time to localise the gas and find a way of eradicating it before our air supply ran out. As you can see we were successful, or I would not be here talking to you now. Once we had escaped the room we had spent 48 hours in we had to move all the bodies to the freezer, we then started testing on subject 42 here.”
“So what happened to your partner Dr. Muston?” Donny asked.
“Unfortunately you’re about to find out. Whilst we were preparing our tests to find out how the gas had affected the body our cameras caught this.”
The professor pressed play and the body of subject 42 stated twitching. After about a minute of twitching the body sat bolt upright.
“Dr. Muston saw the image on our monitor first and before I realised what was going on there was nothing I could do to stop her.”
On the screen we saw a woman with long brown wavy hair and a lab coat enter the room with the body. “Grant” she screamed “are you alive?” The body’s head turned quickly to face her and reached its arms out. The woman wrapped her arms around it only for the body to sink its teeth directly into her neck. It ripped a huge chunk of flesh out from her neck while she screamed and screamed and when the screams died down it dropped the woman’s body to the ground in a pool of her own blood and then stood up. The video was stopped.
The professor started again “I kept that door sealed from then on. Subject 42 has been banging on the window and door ever since and three days after Dr. Muston’s death she awoke again just like him.” Dr. Ashford then flicked another switch and to our left a light turned on to reveal a window to the room where the two bodies were. They were both there. A woman and a man, looking so pale they were almost green. Blood splattered all over their once white lab coats, the woman with a huge rotting chunk taken from her neck and the man with blood smothered all around his blue lipped mouth, pounding the bottoms of their fists against the seemingly sound proof glass.
“Wait just one God damn, gosh darn minute!” said Chuck. “Zombies? Is this some kind of joke?”
“Don’t call them that!” growled Dr. Ashford. “They’re my friends!”
“But seriously? Zombies? What the hell has this got to do with us? We are bounty hunters, we hunt humans!” I said.
“They are humans! Can’t you see that? And don’t you want the money?”
The professor had us on that one.
“Look” he said. “As you have seen, although I managed to eradicate the gas it seems this disease has become viral. If it were to get loose and these guys started biting the public we’d be in a lot of trouble.”
H: “So what is it you want us to do?”
D.A: “All I need from you is to gather a team of people together to perimeter the borders of this facility during the times I am running tests to find a cure for this infection.”
Donny: “But why us?”
D.A: “I saw your ad” he held up a Gurnard Hunting Elite handmade poster.
M: “Okay, but don’t you think this is a bit out of our league?”
D.A: “Never mind that, you bring me ten people every time and I’ll give everybody the vital weapons training.”
All of our eyes lit up, there was no need for discussion. A unanimous decision had been made via two simple words.
“So what about pay?” Chuck asked.
D.A: “How about the same amount as the initial briefcase for every session?”
M: “Sounds good!”
D.A. “Great, can ten of you be here this time next week to begin training?”
D: “It’s gonna be tough finding another six people to believe us!”
D.A: “I’m sure this will sway them.” He slid another briefcase across a table towards Donny.
D.A: “Consider that an up-front payment for your training. Please, let me escort you to the door. Oh, and next time guys, lose the goofy suits, maybe wear something a little more practical, we all know you’re no 007’s.”
More dirty looks wondered in Harrison’s direction.
The journey home was a frantic discussion about weapons, money, zombies and who we were going to ask to join the elite. For the first time we felt we could actually call ourselves that. “The Elite”.
Thursday 20 January 2011
REC 2
I know what you're possibly thinking. It may seem a bit weird that for my first review I've decided to go for a sequel, but I thought as it's quite a recent film on this much loved subject I'd go for it as I don't want to jump in at the deep end and review a classic straight away for I might upset people with my opinions. I think I'll leave that until I've acquired a few comments and found out what people really think of me.
So. Anyway. REC 2. If you haven't seen REC then please go watch it before reading any of this or watching the sequel. If you have seen it and have yet to see the sequel then you are in for a pleasant surprise. As far as sequels go from my years of experience in lethargic movie watching, they can be hit or miss. I could list my opinions on what sequels are "hit" and which ones are "miss" but that would probably bore the face off of you. I'm pleased to announce that this particular film falls under the "hit" category.
The movie begins with a small group of SWAT team members making sure their on-helmet cameras are working as they prepare for their mission which is to enter the apartment building which is the large but claustrophobic feeling set from the original title. Before entering the quarantined site they are introduced to a medical officer who is to accompany them on their experience and call all the shots. His character quickly becomes the boss of the operation and at this point in the film you strangely, delightfully realise that the SWAT members have as much lack of knowledge about the mission ahead as you do watching the film. With no way out of the building but the medical officers say so over his voice recognition walkie talkie, they are well and truly trapped inside a world of horror that awaits around a few scary corners.
Over the years there have been a lot of ways thought up for how a zombie outbreak can commence, whether it's a plague of rabies, a science experiment gone wrong, a genetically modified virus for military use or acid rain, there is one particular idea that is quite rare and possibly first brought to life in Sam Raimi's The Evil Dead, the paranormal. After hints from the discovered notes and newspaper articles left pinned up against the penthouse wall in this films predecessor (I know it's all in Spanish and these writings didn't have the desired English subtitles, but upon it's release I was one sad enough to google translate said articles, either that or you might have learned the translations from watching the American re-make "Quarantine".)this comes up as a nice follow-up sparing no detail. I'll stop myself in my tracks as the more I'm thinking about the film whilst writing this the more I'm reliving it and I'm bloody enjoying it and could end up spoiling the whole film for anyone who might stumble upon this review.
The only minor gripe I had with this film was at about the half way point when the story starts from another angle, from the view of three rebellious teenagers who follow a fireman and a man who claims his wife and child were trapped in the building into the house of horrors via the sewers. This story line wasn't my gripe as it is imperative to the films flow, but more the fact that every group that enters the building just happens to have a video camera of some description. I guess it had to be done somehow.
Overall I was very pleased with the film as, to be honest, I wasn't expecting that much from it. After watching the trailers for it I made a decision that there was no way it could be better than the first one. I couldn't have been more wrong. What really did it for me was the full blown dive into the paranormal with imaginative ways of using the hand-held camera style to an advantage but without allowing the film to lack in gallons of blood and guts. And there's nothing I like more than a film's plot being completely unraveled by it's sequel. Bravo.
Verdict: 4 out of 5 fast running, old, fat lady zombies.
The Note
Entry #3
Sunday June 11th 2006
Gurnard Hunting Elite Irregular Meeting
Location: Donny’s house / Bar & Grill
I woke up at roughly 0930 knelt on Donny’s living room floor with my face nuzzled on the seating panel of an armchair. I had a heavy hangover and a nasty feeling of irresponsibility. Chuck was sprawled across a sofa and Harrison snoozing whist sat bolt upright on the other armchair. I’m guessing Donny managed to crawl up the stairs to his bedroom. Fifteen minutes later the three of us “stop-outs” were awake and silently sipping cups of tea that I made as I was the first one to stand up. From the bleak morning mood I could tell the other two were feeling just as bad, if not worse than me. I took a tea up to Donny’s room only to discover he wasn’t in his bed. There was only one other place he could be.
We walked up the garden to the Bar & Grill to find Donny lying on his back under the bar with the peak of his trucker cap shielding his eyes from morning light and puffing on a roll-up. When he picked himself up I realised how right I was to feel irresponsible, the floor was littered with empty beer cans, spirit bottles, drinking receptacles e.g. beer bongs and yard glasses, but worst of all, cash, everywhere.
As we all enjoyed another cuppa (this time made by Chuck) and a roll-up we discussed the previous nights events, starting with the hilarity of what we could remember from the latter parts of the evening and then onto the seriousness of the phone call we had received and the briefcase of money that was now blemishing the floors of this once classy establishment.
We decided it would be wise to seek the envelope the man on the phone had said he’d placed under the cash inside the briefcase. After taking a look at the floor and realising where the cash now resided our faces looked like what I can only describe as that internet smiley with an “S” for a mouth. Luckily enough it wasn’t too difficult to locate as we discovered it was taped to the bottom of the briefcase that was spread eagle in one corner of the shed. We didn’t hesitate to open the envelope, I think was about due time we read it after the previous nights shenanigans. I pulled out the note and read it aloud for the others. It Read:
“If you are reading this note then you have been selected for a top secret mission.
As I should have already explained to you via telecommunication, no more can be said at this point in time as it would prove to be too dangerous.
I urge you to meet me at the Gurnard Testing Facility at 1800 hours on Wednesday 14th June. I know you’ve never heard of this before and it is imperative that you keep its existence and whereabouts absolutely classified. You will find directions on the reverse of this note.
Enjoy your cash, for now, but if you carry out these orders correctly you shall soon be enjoying far more. “
Sunday June 11th 2006
Gurnard Hunting Elite Irregular Meeting
Location: Donny’s house / Bar & Grill
I woke up at roughly 0930 knelt on Donny’s living room floor with my face nuzzled on the seating panel of an armchair. I had a heavy hangover and a nasty feeling of irresponsibility. Chuck was sprawled across a sofa and Harrison snoozing whist sat bolt upright on the other armchair. I’m guessing Donny managed to crawl up the stairs to his bedroom. Fifteen minutes later the three of us “stop-outs” were awake and silently sipping cups of tea that I made as I was the first one to stand up. From the bleak morning mood I could tell the other two were feeling just as bad, if not worse than me. I took a tea up to Donny’s room only to discover he wasn’t in his bed. There was only one other place he could be.
We walked up the garden to the Bar & Grill to find Donny lying on his back under the bar with the peak of his trucker cap shielding his eyes from morning light and puffing on a roll-up. When he picked himself up I realised how right I was to feel irresponsible, the floor was littered with empty beer cans, spirit bottles, drinking receptacles e.g. beer bongs and yard glasses, but worst of all, cash, everywhere.
As we all enjoyed another cuppa (this time made by Chuck) and a roll-up we discussed the previous nights events, starting with the hilarity of what we could remember from the latter parts of the evening and then onto the seriousness of the phone call we had received and the briefcase of money that was now blemishing the floors of this once classy establishment.
We decided it would be wise to seek the envelope the man on the phone had said he’d placed under the cash inside the briefcase. After taking a look at the floor and realising where the cash now resided our faces looked like what I can only describe as that internet smiley with an “S” for a mouth. Luckily enough it wasn’t too difficult to locate as we discovered it was taped to the bottom of the briefcase that was spread eagle in one corner of the shed. We didn’t hesitate to open the envelope, I think was about due time we read it after the previous nights shenanigans. I pulled out the note and read it aloud for the others. It Read:
“If you are reading this note then you have been selected for a top secret mission.
As I should have already explained to you via telecommunication, no more can be said at this point in time as it would prove to be too dangerous.
I urge you to meet me at the Gurnard Testing Facility at 1800 hours on Wednesday 14th June. I know you’ve never heard of this before and it is imperative that you keep its existence and whereabouts absolutely classified. You will find directions on the reverse of this note.
Enjoy your cash, for now, but if you carry out these orders correctly you shall soon be enjoying far more. “
Wednesday 19 January 2011
An Unexpected Opportunity
Entry #2
Saturday June 10th 2006
Gurnard Hunting Elite Meeting
Location: Donny’s Bar & Grill
It’s roughly 19:45 and Donny, Chuck, Harrison and I have been playing poker for an hour and a half already. If any of us had anything better to do we’d probably be doing it. There was no damn way that phone was ever gonna ring, that was the general consensus. This time it was mine and Harrison’s turns to bring the regular two bottles. The JD was already dry and we had about half of my bottle of Mount Gay Rum still going, I always make sure the booze I bring isn’t a popular choice with anyone but me so I get the heartier portion. Harrison was chip leader in this game. Damn him.
What we needed was some fun, some excitement, some laughs. It wasn’t like it used to be, to start with we just enjoyed each others company and I don’t think in the beginning we even took the whole bounty hunter thing seriously. Maybe that’s where it all went wrong. Maybe we just needed to forget about it.
“Fuck it!” I yelled as I handed over my last chips to Harrison after being beaten by a pair of Jacks (If a poker hand could be my arch-enemy, this would be it) but I intended this aberrant yammer to mean something other than the frustrated bark the three of them were expecting.
“That’s it! I think we should forget the whole bounty hunter thing.”
“Are you serious?” Chuck said with surprisingly wide eyes for somebody who was half-cut and an unnerving grin. “We’re glad you’re finally on board.”
I was confused.
Donny and Harrison started laughing closely followed by Chuck.
“Dude! We gave up on it a long time ago! We’ve just not said much about it because we didn’t want to upset you!” Donny announced through a smile and a chortle whilst twisting his trucker cap from frontwards to backwards. It was as if my comment had finally let these guys relax.
We sat there and let the dust and laughter settle as I came to terms with the fact that my friends had been pulling one over on me.
Then as if somebody had been listening in to the whole conversation/banter as Harrison said “Well at least we can just go back to......” It happened. The red phone rang.
We all paused and looked at it ringing for about two and a half seconds before it was unanimously decided that it was probably just another market research call and a few more giggles escaped our mouths. In fact I was half chuckling when I finally picked it up after the sixth ring.
“Hu-hello?”
“Hello. Is this headquarters for Gurnard Hunting Elite?” Said the voice at the other end. It was a slightly posh sounding voice with hints of somebody who might wear a scientist's spectacles.
My face dropped. “Shhhh, shhhh.” I demanded of the others as I held the receiver against my chest. “Yes, yes it is, er... I mean, erm NO. Er this is the receptionist, I’ll just get somebody.” I chaotically fibbed before I held the receiver back to my chest and pulled a face that made me look like my own tongue was made from salt and lemons.
“Why the hell did you say that?” Chuck asked. “I don’t flipping know! More professional I guess? Just let me do the talking.” You couldn’t tell I was at all nervous.
With a cough and a drop in tone I thrusted the receiver back to my face.
Mike: “May I help you?”
Caller: “Yes, yes, hello. This is a very important call.”
M: “What can we do for you?”
C: “I would like to hire your services but will need to meet you all to discuss the situation in person.”
M: “Sounds good but how do I know you’re not just some crazy guy? OR AN ENEMY?” (We didn’t have any enemies.)
C: “Check behind your headquarters door on the outside and you’ll see how serious I am.”
Because the air had gone completely silent I knew the other guys could hear everything the caller was saying so I urged them to do so. Donny pulled a small brown briefcase into the shed and proceeded to unlock it. The case was opened and it was full of cash. Wads of £20 notes in fact.
C: “£20,000 cash, and there’s plenty more where that came from if you decide to hold your questions for when we meet.
M: “Just one question if you’d be courteous enough to answer it.”
C: “Shoot.”
M: “Why us? Why a bunch of twenty-something’s with a lack of experience?”
He fell silent for a few seconds. It may sound like it was a question said out of fear to almost change the callers mind but that wasn’t the case. This bounty hunter doesn’t scare that easily.
C: “Never mind that for now, let’s say you boys may be my only hope. Now, the address and time of where you need to meet me are in an envelope under the cash. You must also understand that this must be kept entirely confidential. If any of this information is leaked to anybody other than you four, then there might be a little ‘accident’ if you get my drift. I have to go now. I hope you now understand the importance of this call and look forward to meeting you very soon.”
The receiver went silent.
The rest of the night comes as a bit of a blur as me and the boys managed to get to the local corner shop before closing and acquire enough booze for a full blown, four person celebration party.
Saturday June 10th 2006
Gurnard Hunting Elite Meeting
Location: Donny’s Bar & Grill
It’s roughly 19:45 and Donny, Chuck, Harrison and I have been playing poker for an hour and a half already. If any of us had anything better to do we’d probably be doing it. There was no damn way that phone was ever gonna ring, that was the general consensus. This time it was mine and Harrison’s turns to bring the regular two bottles. The JD was already dry and we had about half of my bottle of Mount Gay Rum still going, I always make sure the booze I bring isn’t a popular choice with anyone but me so I get the heartier portion. Harrison was chip leader in this game. Damn him.
What we needed was some fun, some excitement, some laughs. It wasn’t like it used to be, to start with we just enjoyed each others company and I don’t think in the beginning we even took the whole bounty hunter thing seriously. Maybe that’s where it all went wrong. Maybe we just needed to forget about it.
“Fuck it!” I yelled as I handed over my last chips to Harrison after being beaten by a pair of Jacks (If a poker hand could be my arch-enemy, this would be it) but I intended this aberrant yammer to mean something other than the frustrated bark the three of them were expecting.
“That’s it! I think we should forget the whole bounty hunter thing.”
“Are you serious?” Chuck said with surprisingly wide eyes for somebody who was half-cut and an unnerving grin. “We’re glad you’re finally on board.”
I was confused.
Donny and Harrison started laughing closely followed by Chuck.
“Dude! We gave up on it a long time ago! We’ve just not said much about it because we didn’t want to upset you!” Donny announced through a smile and a chortle whilst twisting his trucker cap from frontwards to backwards. It was as if my comment had finally let these guys relax.
We sat there and let the dust and laughter settle as I came to terms with the fact that my friends had been pulling one over on me.
Then as if somebody had been listening in to the whole conversation/banter as Harrison said “Well at least we can just go back to......” It happened. The red phone rang.
We all paused and looked at it ringing for about two and a half seconds before it was unanimously decided that it was probably just another market research call and a few more giggles escaped our mouths. In fact I was half chuckling when I finally picked it up after the sixth ring.
“Hu-hello?”
“Hello. Is this headquarters for Gurnard Hunting Elite?” Said the voice at the other end. It was a slightly posh sounding voice with hints of somebody who might wear a scientist's spectacles.
My face dropped. “Shhhh, shhhh.” I demanded of the others as I held the receiver against my chest. “Yes, yes it is, er... I mean, erm NO. Er this is the receptionist, I’ll just get somebody.” I chaotically fibbed before I held the receiver back to my chest and pulled a face that made me look like my own tongue was made from salt and lemons.
“Why the hell did you say that?” Chuck asked. “I don’t flipping know! More professional I guess? Just let me do the talking.” You couldn’t tell I was at all nervous.
With a cough and a drop in tone I thrusted the receiver back to my face.
Mike: “May I help you?”
Caller: “Yes, yes, hello. This is a very important call.”
M: “What can we do for you?”
C: “I would like to hire your services but will need to meet you all to discuss the situation in person.”
M: “Sounds good but how do I know you’re not just some crazy guy? OR AN ENEMY?” (We didn’t have any enemies.)
C: “Check behind your headquarters door on the outside and you’ll see how serious I am.”
Because the air had gone completely silent I knew the other guys could hear everything the caller was saying so I urged them to do so. Donny pulled a small brown briefcase into the shed and proceeded to unlock it. The case was opened and it was full of cash. Wads of £20 notes in fact.
C: “£20,000 cash, and there’s plenty more where that came from if you decide to hold your questions for when we meet.
M: “Just one question if you’d be courteous enough to answer it.”
C: “Shoot.”
M: “Why us? Why a bunch of twenty-something’s with a lack of experience?”
He fell silent for a few seconds. It may sound like it was a question said out of fear to almost change the callers mind but that wasn’t the case. This bounty hunter doesn’t scare that easily.
C: “Never mind that for now, let’s say you boys may be my only hope. Now, the address and time of where you need to meet me are in an envelope under the cash. You must also understand that this must be kept entirely confidential. If any of this information is leaked to anybody other than you four, then there might be a little ‘accident’ if you get my drift. I have to go now. I hope you now understand the importance of this call and look forward to meeting you very soon.”
The receiver went silent.
The rest of the night comes as a bit of a blur as me and the boys managed to get to the local corner shop before closing and acquire enough booze for a full blown, four person celebration party.
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